aren’t they pretty…so sweet and thin and blue. they are vintage Melmac dishes…i love them. they can’t go in the dishwasher or the microwave but other than that they are perfect! they make me dream of sweet little lunches on the deck in the spring. new things…don’t you love them? new year, new friend, new dishes!

it is a wicked thing that can make a momma paralized with fear.

my devotion today was all about fear and how we are more than conquerers.

she had an attack last thursday. probably the worst of her life. (i pray that statement is always true)

thankfully we live close to an amazing childrens hospital that can recognize and treat a child quickly.

critical care…heart rate in the 180′s for over 2 hours, respirations over 40. the effects of the attack and the albuterol. broken capillaries on her cheeks from pulling to breath and yet she still forces a smile. it is a camera after all…

two hours later….the breathing has slowed, they are becoming more effective.

things are calmer. nurses and doctors are entering the room less often. i begin to breath more slowly as well….

baby monster gives me a beautiful, tired smile…

then drifts off to sleep for a moment…i stop to say a prayer of thanks.

Thank you Jesus. thank you for my baby. thank you for the hospital, thanks for albuterol, thank you for letting it work. thank you. thank you. thank you.

the power of a breath. a Savior who lifted his chest in a heavy,deep sigh as He took his last. it was over. last breath. done.

THEN…EASTER. can you imagine Christ in the tomb when all the sudden. chest lifted. lungs filled…a BREATH…and just like that. promise fulfilled. eternity changed forever.

all I can say is Thank you Jesus.

the power of a breath.

with her gorgeous smile and sparkling eyes she captivated the county we lived in. she captivated everyone who met her. and she fought. hard. for six years and 3 re-lapses. i don’t think anyone ever saw her without her signature smile. she taught those who knew her and those who just knew of her how to live. with joy. with open arms. with HOPE.

yesterday at 12:18. She won her battle against this beast and left it behind and she entered Heaven.

Savannah Hope Swandal….we will miss your smile. Heaven is a little brighter, earth a little dimmer without it.

the ones i read make me either torn to pieces sad over the stuff people are dealing with or make me very self-concious about my own ability as a mother.

the sad ones..well, i WANT to read those because I want to participate in praying for people, but I have to watch myself or I just get caught up in reading them like a soap opera.

sometimes it is hard to remember that these are REAL people with REAL pain that need REAL prayers and not just read the post as a continuing kind of voyer into their pain.

it is sort of a sick thing like seeing something horrible but not being able to look away.

i have to remember to remember.

the second type of blog that i read are ones that i am attracted to and yet cause me great distress at times.

you know the kind.

perfect mothers. perfect dinners. perfectly dressed children. perfectly happy marriages. perfect clothes and the part that irritates me the most…

perfect shots with their perfect cameras…

i have to remember…nothing you read, nothing you see is exactly as it appears. we are ALL real. no one is perfect. not them, not you and Certainly NOT me.

today’s Bible verses reminds me…be anxious for NOTHING. i am giving my blog issues to the Lord.

we may have to leave everything we have ever known. our comfort zone.  it is all we know.

adoption means we have a daddy. we belong.

we are a new creature. not that the old is gone. we are still what we were and yet completely what we have become.

we have a place. we are secure. even as bold as to be confident.

adoption means we don’t have to look like our daddy to be his princess.

adoption means you have someone to take you to the daddy/daughter dance. even if you ditch him and run off with your friends…

adoption is forever.

it makes me nervous most of the time. but that is changing. we have a little friend who is ill, very ill. savannah and thinking about her and her mom is changing me.

today as i walked around i thought…those scratches on the walls and dents in the baseboards in the BRAND new house mean my kids are playing hard, they are healthy enough to do so.

the dirty dishes and empty cereal boxes left in the panty mean my kids have a healthy appetite

the towels on the floor and toothpaste in the sink mean they can shower and brush their teeth without any help from me

the toys all over the floor mean they are still little, still under my roof and still like to play

the balls and shoes and bikes left outside all over the yard mean they can RUN and they are BUSY

i vow to not forget these lessons, i vow to keep praying for our friend, i vow to cherish these moments.

i know there will still be moments when i wish it clean, but never a minute will i wish them not be little

it brings to mind a song Writer co-wrote years ago after a scary incident with our oldest (who was only 18 months then)

“If I pray hard enough, If luck stays with us, If I have just enough faith.

If wishes really do come true and I spend all of MINE on YOU…maybe you’ll be safe”

so tonight..heres to a messy house…may it always be so in mine and yours.

and may we pray for those who’s arent.

we get all out of whack and do crazy things like start a 2 hour taped version of american idol at bedtime and eat whatever we can find and don’t wash the dishes.

the monsters and i love it for one night…but then we need an adult in the house. thankfully he returns tomorrow.

i got three  sweet gifts today. prissy monster told me the truth about something. you may say…that is not such a big gift but you wouldn’t know my girl and how hard this is for her when she knows it is something that i am not going to be happy about. well, today she sucked it up and told me “mommy, i don’t want to tell you this, but i know i should…i got a (gasp) yellow card at school” i spun her around (literally) and kissed her face. i hope she doesn’t think this means it is ok by me to talk in class all day. i was just so happy she told the truth. but it would be hard to be 7 and sitting at a table with one of your besties AND a cutie named cyrus…and be quiet during rest time…i mean. come on.

second…this little gem of a surprise came in the mail today. the red train case i had longed for.

now. i DID give him the idea from a previous blog post. BUT who would have thought he would go thru with it AND choose this amazing artwork that i love to go on it!!! seriously people. you must go and check out this shop…get ready set go

have i said today i love that man…

then my most precious gift of the day (other than the gift OF the day itself) was when i was laying down with baby monster trying to get her to sleep and she giggling said “I can’t close my eyes mommy because I could look at you all day”

be still my heart and thank you Jesus.

but years ago i realized that my Writer doesn’t do well at all with forced emotion. maybe it is because he makes stuff up all day long every day that when it comes to the “real” thing he is much better if it is allowed to just flow freely and not be expected.

I learned this the hard way. once when the oldest was a tiny sprout of 3 months old i decided to celebrate. i decorated the whole house with hearts, i made a lovely dinner and had candles lit when Writer got home. he walked in…totally unaware that the calendar said February 14th.

over the course of 19 years i have grown to understand him. so this year we called it even. we would just chose to not celebrate this forced day of love. the children had a fun day  at school, valentines and lots of candy. we told them how much we love them, just like every other day. and we went about our day.

somehow it was relieving. we weren’t forced to purchase cards that had what other people felt written on it. we just were happy. that night i took the monsters to gymnastics and when i came home Writer had gone grocery shopping for me (i love him) and started dinner (i really love him) and bought fresh flowers for me (i ADORE him) just because he WANTED to…

i think we will NOT celebrate this holiday every year.

oldest began lessons a few years back. traditional/old school lessons. chords. notes. sweet mom-figure teacher.

he “liked” it but the love factor just wasn’t there. he took for about a year or so and quit.

it broke my heart. i love guitar players. i married one. i WANTED him to play. i WANTED him to love it. he has the long, God given fingers for it.

it took a few years and then he discovered classic rock. partly due to lego rock band. partly due to his fathers new found love of old Tom Petty songs. partly because of XM radio and my love of the Stones and Aerosmith…but he got it.

we started lessons at a new place. cool, hip guitar teacher. the first day he asked the oldest “so what do you like to listen to” he replied “i really like the stones, tom petty and queen” teachers eyes lit up. “then that is what we shall learn” (imagine Jack Black in School of Rock)

now it is a daily occurance to hear songs like Free Falling and Satisfaction

coming from his sweet guitar. i love it. i could listen to those licks over and over. he knows it is good. he is proud.

then i started finding stuff like this in his backpack instead of math books…

and his doodles look something like this….

then today in the car “back in black…i love that song” came out of his mouth while listening to the classic rock station. we had to turn it off and have a little talk about rock.

yes, we love it. yes, it is fun.

here are the rules….we can appreciate the sound. BUT…we will NOT do drugs, we will NOT drink, we will NOT wear only black and sing ugly lyrics.  and we will continue to focus on school and making grades like this…

as long as you do that son…then Rock on..Rock on.

how sweet is that? would look good on someones arm who might be going to Vegas soon?

check out the website…

GetReadySetGo

whatcha think sweetie?